Personal reconciliation turns to action for two young leaders in Charlotte, N.C.

Paul Willoughby, a senior at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte (UNCC), remembers well the hardships cast upon him and his family when his twin brother came out of the closet.

"That was the worst time in my life, for real," Willoughby says of the summer between his junior and senior years in high school.

Unbeknownst to all but him, he, too, was gay -- a revelation he dared not disclose in the face of his parents' conservative, religious leanings and their treatment of his brother.

"My parents said a lot of mean things, calling [my brother] names they shouldn't be calling him," Willoughby recalls. "It was hard to see how my parents reacted to him coming out -- they even tried to send him to therapy to try to change him. Here I am -- I'm gay, too -- and I didn't know what to do. I was terrified that they would find out."

Now 21 years old, Willoughby is a member of the UNCC men's soccer team. Just last fall, he came out to friends on campus and to friends on his sports team.

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"Before this past fall only 10 people knew -- my closest friends back home," Willoughby says. On campus, just three students knew; two of them were lesbian and also student athletes.

But, all the secrecy has ended now.

"I was tired of feeling guilty and trying to fight it," Willoughby says of his struggle. "It's exhausting. It really eats at you."

In addition to his journey toward personal spiritual reconciliation, fears of how his college teammates would react took a toll on him.

"We're really close and in the lockerrooms or showers all the time," he says. "I didn't want them to be weirded out or anything."

In place of the fear and guilt, Willoughby now says he's full of hope. He wants to let other students know about his experiences, especially as a gay student athlete. The rejection he thought he might face from his teammates defied the reality.

"That's the exact opposite of what happened," he says.

On Thursday and Saturday, Willoughby will join other community members and leaders in Charlotte for a panel discussion following the local premiere of "Legalize Gay: The Civil Rights Movement of a Generation," a new documentary film featuring the work of young leaders in the new LGBT civil rights movement. The film also features Campus Pride and its annual Camp Pride summer leadership program for students and young adults.

(Learn more and RSVP to the Charlotte film screenings on Facebook)

Alyssa Kibiloski, a 2010 graduate of Winthrop University in Rock Hill, S.C., will join Willoughby.

Like Willoughby, Kibiloski, 23, also spent most of her college years in the closet. She came out to friends in her junior year, then more publicly as a senior.

Cultural, rather than religious, fears kept Kibiloski silent throughout most of her time in school.

"I was afraid of the label -- of being defined as a lesbian," Kibiloski says. "I wanted to still be Alyssa the musician, the artist, the academic. I was afraid that if I identified as gay, I would be labeled as such and nothing more."

Kibiloski added, "You have to be open to yourself before you can be open with others, and that personal conflict was my most poignant strife."

Willoughy and Kibiloski hope their new outspokenness will help other current and future students. Both say campuses should offer LGBT students more support.

Kibiloski says school administrators should make support services more easily and comfortably available.

"You have to go up to that table to be involved or be on that email list," she says of the time she fearfully declined approaching the LGBT campus group's student organization fair exhibit. "For me, at that time, I wouldn't even contemplate going up to that table because I was scared."

Willoughby says UNCC has been accepting, though more should be done.

"Absent," is how he describes the campus' LGBT student community. He'd like to see more outspokenness and action.

And, as the only openly gay male student athlete he knows on campus, he's making it his personal mission to do as much as he can to start some of that action before he graduates in May.

"I want to let other athletes know," he says. "It's not that bad. The team loves you. They are going to accept you no matter what."

Kibiloski and Willoughby have never spoken out on LGBT issues so publicly before. Their panel discussions this week will be the first public LGBT events they've ever participated in. With them, community leaders like Charlotte's newly-elected, openly gay councilmember, LaWana Mayfield, will join them.

Kibiloski says it is important to speak out and take a stand.

"It's really important, especially for our generation, to spearhead this movement that's happening," Kibiloski, 23, says. "It's gaining a lot of momentum. I want to be a part of it. Everyone should be, gay or straight."