The demi-goddess of our generation said it most succinctly when she (or her handlers) penned the words: “I get the tingle/I wanna mingle/That’s what I want,” in her hit song ‘Radar.’ It’s a concept deeply conditioned in our social imaginations. We all like to think that we have some sort of social intuition for this or that, that we are finely attuned to specific physical, behavioral, and emotional characteristics that cause blips in our own psyches – whether they be radars for finding potential boyfriends, enemies, friends, etc. The most famous of them all (the Rudolph-the-red-nosed-reindeer of the group, if you will), however, is “Gaydar.”

It’s a word that gets tossed around a fair bit in the gay male community. Nay, it gets tossed around all the time. And problematic or not, most gay men are pretty damn good at sniffing each other out.

I find, though, that upon my recent arrival to the UK for my semester abroad…my gaydar is jammed. Every faux-hawked, tight-shirted, fancy-jeaned cultural assumption we make in the states no longer holds true in London. It has led me to consider how much the assumptions we make all the time (mis)inform us every day. I walk past men in New York City every day in decide to myself whether they are gay or not. Now, mind you, I have nothing short of an impeccable track record as far as confirmed predictions go, but it must be acknowledged that the idea of gaydar is, of course, a myth.

As someone who reads as ‘straight,’ insofar as the way I dress and speak in the states, I count on gaydar to be identified as gay by other men. To be in a place where gaydar doesn’t translate, I find myself fascinated by how deeply conditioned in our particular cultural upbringings the interpretation of behavior is. No longer does an avid interest in Lady Gaga mark a potential mate. I can’t pick the gay out of the crowd based on how recently he’s bleached his hair. How do I meet men, then? Of course, there are gay bars and clubs around London – but I no longer have at my fingertips the sophisticated and nuanced system of subtle behaviors that indicate interest and attraction. So I find myself enjoying the new experience of being completely at sea in a new place, and even boys are a new adventure. And to be honest – it’s pretty liberating.